you can’t remember ten minutes ago
it looks like blur obsession 2k9 is dwindling, as i’m making myself slowly sick of listening to only blur. i’m interspersing a bit of in rainbows (which i did the same to last summer) to calm it down, although i keep returning to a few of the more melancholic, largely horn-free blur songs that i can’t quite get over. one being “trouble in the message centre” from parklife – a song i completely ignored until i listened to it on headphones one day at the mall. i don’t know what struck me exactly, but something about the combination of the guitar and the keyboard during the verse gave me deja vu. not like i had been listening to that very song on headphones before, but this memory of something past that i associated with the song – one that i’ve only heard in passing, if that, in the past 2 or so years. what’s stranger is that it’s a specific memory – one mostly made up in my mind, but that is so strong i get sick to my stomach every time i remember it. essentially, it’s a re-constructed memory of coming home from NBAC swim team practice on a saturday morning, a sunny day and somewhat warm (like late spring/early fall), and simultaneously being at loyola high school’s pool and my front yard. as far as the initial memory, this would have been 1994ish, right around when parklife came out. sometimes it’s tinged with saturday mornings of doing the laundry (my only household duty as a kid), listening to brunch at the archives with the windows open in the house, although these never happened simultaneously. but the weird thing about it is that i get a really strong sense of…i don’t know, nervousness? or premonition? some sort of unsettling feeling, because i always get a wave of feeling, one that turns my stomach, when it hits me. before i lose you too much…i’m sure most people have deja vu from time to time, or even a repetitive scene or memory that comes back like this one, but what’s strange to me is that a song that i’ve only just heard can bring on a memory that never truly existed. and that same feeling. i tend to associate songs that i listen to a lot in a certain period with that particular time, and visual memories will strike me sometimes when i listen to them. but that a new song (to me) could remind me so strongly of the time it was released to bring on my memories from that time is just bizarre. could this be what deja entendu is?
and on with the topic of memory, i’m seriously considering constructing a list of things i’ve lost, a la simon faithfull. so far (recently), the I.R.P. mini dv tape, my most recent notebook, and a black scarf.
let me be your rock melodica-ist
i know in my last post i said i wouldn’t make the leap to making music, but i pulled out my old friend the melodica tonight after listening to “death of a party” on loop and being haunted by it’s eerie organ opening. while the melodica is not the most sensible instrument to pick out a tune on – for starters, trying to hum while finding the notes is useless – it still took about 5 minutes (it’s G-F#-C-B in case you’re wondering). reminds me of the good old days, when i used to teach myself the parts of q and not u and decemberists songs, and when i ran out of those, practice bach minuets for piano lessons on it. since i’ve already managed to refresh myself on most of these, i’m thinking of starting work on turning everybody’s favorite songs into sea shanties (remember when anna did it for ’since u been gone’?). you may soon find me in the tube on my lunch breaks, busking for a bit of a change. and maybe one day i’ll be so lucky as to follow in my mother’s footsteps and play a wedding.
it really, really, really could happen
blur has managed to single-handedly make me fall back in love with london, and life seems to be an absolute joy right now. i can’t say i’ve waited my whole life to see blur because that’s just not true – blur formed when i was 4 or 5 years old, and were never popular enough in america until ’song 2′ in ‘96/’97, when i was just really getting into music. and while they were always a band i liked, i never went out of my way to show it – i didn’t buy an album until ‘the best of blur’ when i was studying abroad (i remember a 2 for £10 sort of deal sparking it), but was excited – and then subsequently disappointed – to see them at HFStival 2003, which they cancelled due to damon’s ‘extreme dehydration’ after a set of gigs at the astoria. but i didn’t try to see them at 9:30 two months after, so i couldn’t have been that bothered.
back to the point, i read ‘Britpop! Cool Britannia and the Spectacular Demise of English Rock’ by John Harris sometime around 2004/5, and learned how big Blur, and Britpop in general, were in the ’90s. to us, Britpop was a cool monthly dance night at the Black Cat, but in the UK it was a major phenomenon – it’s not worth trying to put into words how big it was, just know, if you don’t already, that it was HUGE. harris is a brilliant storyteller, and i sped through that book like a Harry Potter – all the intricacies of the Oasis/Blur rivalry were exciting, but what i loved was the fact that all of this really happened, and a lot of it in London at real places that still existed. i could see members of Blur sitting at the Good Mixer in Camden where Morrissey was also hanging out and Alan Bennett lived over the road, and Alex James out on the town in soho with Damien Hirst. my favorite tract was less about a specific place, but about the origins of ‘For Tomorrow’, one of my favorite Blur songs. i literally paused writing this entry for two hours to find that passage -i’m sure i typed it up once online – but no such luck…essentially, Damon came back from the normal pub-on-Christmas-eve British tradition, and with a hangover early in the morning of Christmas Day 1992, sat at the piano and composed ‘For Tomorrow’. that song is sheer brilliance, and the image of that story sticks with me whenever i hear it. with that two hour break, i’ve lost my train of thought…
i think one of the things i’ve realised is that a lot of the american anglophiles are angolphiles in the first place because of british music. from my dad to that guy i met at the supermarket last year who was freaking out about going to manchester for the first time (he really loved the smiths), a lot of the british culture we love is its music – and what these musicians sing about the country that makes it seem like an oasis (no pun intended, i can’t stand oasis) of culture that america is not. and i have to say, reading that book and really discovering blur’s music that i missed made me fall more deeply in love with london than even living here for 4 months did.
but as time goes by, i’ve lost that yearning to be here (now….i’ll stop, i swear). this spring i was aching for baltimore, and my friends and family that come with it, and every episode of ‘the wire’ dug in a bit harder. and i went back and loved it, and even began to think of when i might move back. but now, after a month and a half away, i’ve swung back completely. i even love sitting on the bus for an hour just to get 4 miles away – as long as it’s not a bendy bus, my love hasn’t streched that deeply yet. so i think as long as i delve into a little nostalgia and remember what is good about london, i won’t be leaving anytime soon.
the other point of this post is something i said to myself when i was making a cup of coffee this morning, although it’s not the first time it’s come to mind. this week i am downright obsessed with blur, as can clearly be seen, and when i watch their performance from glasto on iplayer for the 18th time, i still get so overly excited and happy. the first full time i watched it, i cried during ‘for tomorrow’ – not just because of how good the performance had been (it was emotional for everyone there, not just damon), but for all the feelings about london and life that have built up over the past 5 years. and that realisation is just that music can make me feel things that nothing else can – no visual art has ever done that for me, and i’m not sure ever will. i’m not going to pull a 360 and start writing music…which is really more like a 45, because we’re still in the creative arts realm – but i just know that i can’t deny that music will probably always take precedence over everything else. i feel that what i can create and give to the world (sounds a bit pompous put like that, but you get the idea) is art; more importantly, what i discussed with my tutor from the slade when i last saw him is that it’s a compulsion – i can’t not be an artist, it would be impossible never to make anything again. but i’ll always love music more. and i’ve always been the sort who wants to be a little bit good at everything rather than really good at one thing, so i think i’ll be okay with it that way. this is starting to get a bit sappy…
glastonbury was amazing, and i’m really glad i went and that this year was my first. everything i’ve heard and read has said that this year was one of the best, by far, so i feel right in saying that it was amazing and perfect. the attitude of everyone – all 200,000 people – was so positive that you didn’t feel trapped on a muddy farm with 200,000 people for a long weekend. i’m happy to have had a week off to sleep and relax afterwards, but i can’t wait for the next festival at the same time. i heard a lot of good music, met some cool people…and now have new gigs to look forward to, and new music to listen to. i mean, i never even gave blur much of a chance post-1995 (musically), but after hearing ‘death of a party’, ‘trimm trab’, and ‘out of time’ for the first time, i’ve changed my tune. i bought ‘blur’ and ‘13′ last night on amazon, so i’ll be looking forward to that…it’s the strangest thing, discovering new music from a band that i had felt i’d heard all i needed to. woohoo indeed.
goodbye sky harbor
hey, look who’s still alive!
i’ve been downright yearning to blog again for a while, but haven’t spent the time on it to figure out what i wanted to say. it shouldn’t be that hard, really, considering i live an ocean away from a great deal of people i care about, and considering i don’t give said people mroe than twitter-like updates on what’s going on in my life. however, ii’m going to take the anti-twitter approach and revert to blogging – you don’t really need to know that i went to ikea unless i deem it worthy of writing a paragraph about.
so towards the end of winter, jimmy eat world marked the 10th anniversary of the release of ‘clarity’ with a 10-date tour, playing only that record from start to finish. needless to say i was beyond devastated not to be able to go – that record stands out as one of the most important in my development, and the chance to hear “goodbye sky harbor”is something that i’ve dreamed of. quite a few of my friends went to the DC and new york shows, and, to be honest, i didn’t even notice at the time, as i was concerned with gerhard richter and the private view of his new show (and magic tricks by david blaine – you don’t see that every day). however, i still remember think of those days bittersweetly, that constant pull to be in two places at once that i feel often.
on the bright side, kevin’s just sent me this:
A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO OUR DC FANS
This is a note of gratitude directed at you from us, Jimmy Eat World, for being a part of our Clarity x 10 tour at the 9:30 Club in Washington D.C.. As Jim mentioned at the show that night, D.C. has always been a special city for us, especially because of all of the great times we’ve had throughout the years at the 9:30 Club. We wouldn’t have wanted the show to be anywhere else and we were so glad you were all there to celebrate with us. When we were starting out as a band, so much of the music coming out of DC influenced us greatly. We owe a special debt of gratitude to Fugazi and Jawbox who both had a big impact on us as we were finding our own sound.
It really means the world to us that you have taken an interest in who we are as a band. We had such an amazing night playing Clarity for you from start to finish and we’re so glad you could all be there with us. Without you in the audience, we wouldn’t be on the stage so THANK YOU!
Love,
Jim, Rick, Tom and Zach
Not like I need to mention my wholehearted agreement with their sentiments on the 9:30 club – simply, it is the greatest venue ever and I am so glad I got to work there when I lived in DC – but it always makes me happy to hear bands agree with me on it. And now I can hear everything I missed – recorded and played back on in-computer speakers, mind you, but with the full feeling and memory of 9:30 there.
you have to keep moving
to my loyal blog followers, i’m sorry to have kept you waiting. it’s been a long, crazy busy year. rather than try to see where i left off (march maybe?), i will give you a vague and extremely condensed overview of what has happened in the past 4 months.
after our critical studies presentations (which i passed, and a lot of people really liked, including john – although he had a weird way of showing it), and my move out of oldfield road, amanda visited during my brief stay at 163a stoke newington high street. i packed up all of my things one more time, stored them, and took off on a world tour to visit becky in australia, jess in hawaii, and amanda in LA. aside from monetary concerns (especially in OZ, which is inexplicably expensive), it was amazing and i wished i realised that every single second of every day i was travelling. i did most of them, but there was always the shadow of the end of my degree hanging over my head…so, upon my return, london was rainy and 7 degrees celsius, and i moved back, permanently (or as permanent as i can get at this point), to 32 kelshall court, with alexandra and revati. i still haven’t done everything i want with my room, but i’m so completely happy there. as with every place, it has it’s downsides, but compared to what i had before, its amazing and the perfect size. about a week later, my final term at the slade began. and what a ridiculous 7 weeks it was. needless to say, i came out on top, and while i’m happy to be done with it (and possibly school forever), i am, in the end, really, really glad i went there. right at the end, my parents and cass came to visit, and before i knew it we were driving around the south of france (read: amazing) and then running around paris, mainly montmartre, which was lovely. after a few days back of lots of hanging out and a beautiful radiohead concert at a big park, i am now in crete, and finally feel like, for the first time since well before this whirlwind tour i’ve given you, i can relax a bit and get back into some normal sort of life/routine. not that writing a blog while sitting on a terrace amongst pine trees and loud cicadas, with a teensy bit of the aegean sea visible between them, is at all normal, but i am much calmer than on the france vacation (which was lovely and a nice break from artwork, unlike this, but we were constantly on the go and trying to fit things in). so far its been lots of sitting on the terrace over communal meals, lots of reading, some walking, swimming in the sea, and sheer calmness. i even feel calm about making art again, despite not really knowing what i plan to do yet. i pick grapes from the vines hanging above me outside of my room, and i float happily in the waves (the aegean is more like the ocean). so far, so good, and i have 3 solid weeks here…and maybe a day or two in athens. life is good.
the good, the bad, and the rest
so much has happened in the past couple of months, and i’ve constantly wanted to blog, but have either felt that i should be doing something more important or that i didn’t have much to say. regardless, things are going well, and they can really only get better at this point.
for those who don’t know, i’ve spent the past month and some more sorting out my living situation. i can happily say i am fully moved out of the oldfield palace; it will be missed for the lovely housemates and the convenient location, but little else. i’m eventually moving back into alexandra’s flat (where i lived briefly last winter/spring) with her and revati, and i’m super excited about it. we’re going to get a veg box and i can paint my room for the first time ever, and it’s generally going to be girly and clean. not to mention the full bathroom is huge and has fish tiles…and if you’re my mom or dad, you know how i feel about fish tiles in bathrooms. anyway, this move doesn’t happen until i get back from my world tour (which amanda aptly named “femmerae 2K8 “back in black: return of the rowhore” reunion tour, gin, gin, gin, gin, gin”), and i’m currently living in my friend nick’s room while he’s in uganda for a few weeks. because of my swiftly-approaching thesis presentation (in 2 days), i haven’t really had time to fully unpack. while the room is easily double the size of my one in oldfield road, half of the floor is covered with open bags and boxes, and the room is generally a site of over-stimulation (3 computers, 1 TV, 2 bikes, 1 guitar, 2 mattresses on top of each other). and the flat is above a cheap take-away fried chicken shop, so every now and again – like when you open a cabinet in the kitchen, or right before you step into the bathroom – you get a whiff of chickeny grease. but i’ll manage for 2 weeks, and i’m saving loads of money, and living with friends, so i can’t complain too much.
and my thesis presentation is coming together in a series of weird coincidences, so i’m quite happy. tomorrow i actually have to do loads of work for it, but i should be alright. in general, i wanted to take people on a walk, but, being limited by time constraints, location, and general logistics, i eventually realised i could do a video walk through stoke newington, and use the location as a means of telling a story/realising parts of my thesis. plus i talk about both poe and defoe in my thesis, and both lived here for various times, defoe for longer (as evidenced by both the pub and road named after him…plus he wrote robinson crusoe here, which is the important point). stoke newington is just teeming with psychogeographic connotations….i’m super excited to tell everyone about it. plus it’s an excuse to get out all of the facts i’ve learned about stokey by reading local history books from the library….and it’s about time i used those facts for something more useful than fodder over drinks at the pub. and, i mean, stokey is the best. where else would you see brett anderson in whole foods, or one of the klaxons looking in estate agents windows? not to mention one of the guys from hot chip walking down church street, or aggie from ‘how clean is your house?’ and that woman with the crazy glasses from ‘10 years younger’ hanging out in your local (aggie lives on oldfield road as well, actually).
and speaking of coincidences, i went to a book fair in leeds yesterday for IRP with the IRP lot and sam and elisabeth, two fellow slade-ians, and the tables right by ours had loads of horribly coincidental books. one table had loads on journeys, one in particular that was made of tracing paper with perceived drawings of the UK on it (way too close to some work i was doing earlier this year), and the other just had books by a ton of artists that i looked at for my critical studies. the one book i ended up buying was titled ‘journey through an exhibition’, and was about an exhibition based on w.g. sebald’s book “ring of saturn” – WHICH i tried to find for my critical studies, but could never find in english. i recently returned to him because john hilliard recommended his book “austerlitz”, and i couldn’t believe my luck to find this exhibition book. and guess what artist was in it? tacita dean. i read about her loads for my critical study, but could never figure out how to fit her into it…but now, as i’m starting to see how much her work is important to mine, i just happen to find this book. weird. and another book, either about wittengeinstein or an exhibit relating to him, had an amazing poem called “the wanderer” in the beginning, oddly enough.
the other coincidence of the day occurred on the train home, when i was reading alex’s book she picked up on scottish concrete poetry. the poem in particular was like an ‘a is for ___’, but was descriptions of various people. it was quite nice, but i was almost shocked when i got to r.
“R can walk in Wanderlust.”
coincidences aside, things will calm down stress-wise after monday. i have loads of exciting things coming up – including visits from amanda and jamie, and the previously-mentioned world tour – but school will be winding down to the degree show, and i’ll be completely done in just 3 months time. the stress has been beyond high, though, and i’m sure i’ve suffered for it. i hurt my back while i was moving, so i treated myself to a massage to try to ease the muscles up a bit. of course the muscles in question were acknowledged, but the masseuse was shocked by how tense my shoulders were (as was i). they were like rocks. she was talking about crystallized deposits leftover from adrenaline as she squeezed them out down my shoulders (something i’d care not to have again), and i was so happy to know that, hopefully, i will never ever be this stressed again. and as much as i would like to go to something like cranio-sacral therapy to resolve all of that built up stress, i really don’t have the extra money for it. i meant to get to yoga today (which alex’s friend rowan teaches), but with the last of the move it was a bit difficult. but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel finally, and the austrailian sun should clear away any other remaining stress. did i mention we may go on a 3 day sailing trip around the whitsunday islands? yeah. this is the best half present/half holiday in the entire world. and i get to live april 2nd twice, just like bill murray in groundhog’s day. AND despite the disgusting no-good day, i’m having macaroni and cheese tonight! and i don’t even have to make it!
so i hope everyone is well, and hopefully i’ll actually get around to talking to you all soon!
take the lead
if barack obama brought me dunkin donuts coffee, maybe i would have voted for him too.
some things
i’ve been back in the UK now for nearly a week, and everything is falling back into place. tomorrow i’m off to cardiff for the day, but in the meantime, here are some things i’ve been into lately:
BOOKS
i read this wonderful book of short stories about brooklyn on my transatlantic journey and various, shorter #73 bus journeys in london since then, and i loved it. if you’re into effects of the passage of time on a place and the psyche of those who live in it, this is a good book for you.
TELEVISION
sarah was right. 30 rock is hilarious. all the time. i love tina fey. plus between jane krakowski and john krasinski, the world of name mispronunciation may soon get better for all of us ’ski’s. unlike laura knight, i will not be giving myself a legal name change for my 18th brithday…or 24th.
MUSIC
i’m always back and forth on joanna newsom, but i love that her music feels like jane austen-era springtime. and the temperature is closer to spring than winter (not that it ever changes much), so i’m all for it.
FOR GOODNESS SAKES
my plan was to stay up a bit later than normal to finish some things, but that’s turned into a ‘let’s talk to everyone on the internetz’ for a few hours, meaning i haven’t gotten far. oops. my to do list for the week is looking a bit frightening, so let’s have a breif run-through!
sat: borough market with sara, work at night
sun: christmas shopping, elf & knitting (not so much scary as that it’s actually written in my diary to watch elf and knit, at 5.45)
mon: colour darkroom all day, drinks with islington aca peoples
tues: bookbinding workshop all day, work at night
wed: special lecture and afternoon tutorial with artist hilary lloyd (thanks a lot, john, for doing this A WEEK BEFORE TERM ENDS, and putting me in the group), “rhinoceros” with kate
thurs: seminar in the morning, tutorial with jayne in the afternoon, *either* k dev or of montreal gigs
fri: CRITICAL STUDIES DUE (did i mention this needs to be finished in the next week?), SUBLETTER MOVES IN, SERIOUS DRINKING/GOING OUT ALL NIGHT
sat: whatever else i didn’t do. pack, probably.
nice.
post-thanksgiving pseudo-laziness
the oldfield palace’s thanksgiving celebration yesterday went over extraordinarily well. after some minor issues (inventing my own corn pudding recipe, white sweet potatos, springform pan leakage…and the world’s worst oven), it was amazing to sit back and relax with some good food and friends. it was an interesting mix in the end – you never know who will or won’t show up – but by 6 (after starting at 1), we were drinking mulled wine (post-dessert) and telling stories, which is what any good get together should be full of. and when we ran out of wine, we all went down to the londesborough…and after walking piper back to the high street, tim and i went for one more at the white hart. i now understand what my mother goes through every year, but i must say, the feeling of relaxtion you get once everything is said and done is AMAZING. and today i’ve been drinking coffee, toying with leftovers, and reading the sunday paper a day late (times and the observer this week).
and now it’s less than two weeks until i cross the pond (yikes), and two weeks to the day until i turn 23. and you know what else happens when i’m 23…
(that’s graduate, in case you weren’t sure)
